Tuesday, December 16, 2008

August 31, 2007

I figure a lot of things, I don't necessarily like to lable things but how else does a human define the things in their lives for understanding. I beleive we are put through tests everyday, maybe not big ones, or maybe it is the huge ones. It shouldn't matter, if you are a inheriently good person (meaning you have common sense and don't necessarily go out looking for a sadistically good time, try not to harm other people, etc.) the test should be easy, I say 'should' because each time each person is different and each time you are tested it can get harder and harder.
I feel tested everyday by my children, I feel tested by my work every friggin' workday, they are lucky I don't care for the idea of prison, so no one has been massacred, but I think those tests at the time are the worst. I get tested by my husband, by food, by shopping, by money, I loose so many times a day and I win so many times too, it seems no matter what I either have the stregnth to overcome the issue (the hardest ones are the home-made chocolate chip cookies in the kitchen that says 'help yourself!' those make me want to rip out my already extremely thin hair on my head, and scream 'Why?? why am I being tempted and tortured by the DAMN cookies?????") The I wish to damn the person to hell who brought them in. THey are lucky God never takes me seriously about that for many a good natured woman would have been burnt to a crisp by now.
Not that I am saying a cookie can't just be a joy, but you see the enormity to me of avoiding that test for the day for I am sure to fail it almost everytime and then there goes the smaller sized bikini bottom from this year that made me cry in joy.... for the first time in 8 1/2 years.
Now, I know the parents out there agree with me, there are no small tests with your kids, each day is like a final exam in college for your final graduate degree, the sweat is pouring out of you worried that if you make the wrong decision, over-react to their aggression or their actions and you doom them to spiral into a life path of unimaginable criminal terror and failure. Now maybe that is an over exaggeration but for me with a new one in the house already half grown with her own ideas of right and wrong, and mine as snotty as a failed Oxford English teacher at an American (U.S. citizen's) public school, I swear I want to scream at each snide remark and issue between the two, I don't even care anymore who starts it I just want peace and happiness without anymore tests at home. So far I know that this is wishful thinking but I have to try......
Ok enough ranting about tests, maybe something more fun tomorrow, I do hope 360 gets the link to my avatar back soon.... I keep on adding it to my 360 page and poof right after I hit save it is gone again..... rrrrrrrrrrrrrrok Peace for now, this weekend I SLEEP!

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