Monday, December 2, 2013

December is WAY too Busy

I have been busy, watching parts of my life implode, it is all unpleasant so I'll skip it here but I will share more mundane 'other' things.

My office moved in October just one floor up and one wing over, but my plants hate me as I am now on the north windows and they have been sitting on the south east windows for over ten years.

I think I may loose my 8-foot corn plant, it hasn't stopped losing leaves since we moved here.  I feel bad for it as I know it should go in another window but I am in the north east corner and have no access to direct sunlight for it.  Poor baby I am not even sure how I would get it home in this season or in my vehicle, its over 8-foot tall and I have a small four door sedan, not a suburban or a Yukon...

I may have to sneak it over to a window that I will have to visit.

People are stingy with their window space now though... so not fun for my plants, my overly large plants that are used to real sunlight and not stupid florescent lights.  They used to be so green and beautiful... now I am losing leaves all the time...

Sigh (BIG Sigh) ... and a yawn.  I'm tired, four days off from work and then to get up at 6:30 a.m. again sucks.

Oh well I have to make the money, the mortgage and other things must be paid.

I haven't even started to shop for the 25th... UGH!  I haven't even thought too much about decorations either.

Ah it is all coming up WAY to fast for me! I wonder if I can just go and hide under the covers until it is all over?  How many people who are used to getting awesome presents from me would forgive me?  I think I am going to go hide and wait for 2014, I swear it will have to be a better year than 2013 has been.

Positive thoughts Deana, positive thoughts, you can do this! I know you can Deanaland has existed for 37 years now, you can make it!

Big changes are coming for 2014 I will try my best to blog on a regular basis again, but as I have said many times before "Do not hold your breath!" I will try but I make no promises!


Tuesday, May 21, 2013

I Relapsed Again...

I have been doing so good for so long and then poof, five days out of work laying in bed or on the couch willing myself not to have to move so I didn't cough.  That doesn't really work by the way, in fact it is impossible, but I tried anyway.

I know part of this is my fault, I know it is, my lung doctor never called me back and I knew he didn't, but that didn't make me want to call and make the appointment either, I don't like him.  I learn more about what he is thinking about my health problem from when he talks to a stupid digital recorder so he doesn't have to type his medical file notes.  (Lazy...)

I tried to renew my inhalers, but they won't let you refill scripts that are over a year old, even if it is one day past that date, the pharmacy people will not do it.  I find that extremely annoying when I still had four refills left on one of my inhalers alone, the waste they force me to feel! Ugh!

So I finally gave in and went back to Urgent Care, I know it isn't my regular doctor but I think I have explained that I hate my regular doctor's receptionist and I can never get in an appointment with him with any promptness.Its not like I can plan my sicknesses and schedule an appointment say three weeks in advance to see him about it.  I have never been that way about sickness, deciding I will get sick at a certain time.  In fact I don't know too many people that can do that at all, if you know of any, let me know I want to know how they do it.

Any way back to Urgent Care, I have gone to them repeatedly for almost 3 years about this lung crap now and then never look back in their records.  I am a brand new patient every time, even though I have seen all four doctors that run the office.  Now sometimes this is helpful I get the antibiotics and stuff I need without any fuss, but other times it is extremely annoying when I can't get them to remember two weeks ago when I came and was wheezing all over their office.  I just want some continuity and someone to have enough interest to want to figure out if it is my animals or house that is trying to kill me.

If it is my animals, well then I will probably die first.  I cannot give up my pets, cats or dogs alike, I just can't do it.  I am an animal advocate and they are my children.  They rely on me to feed them, water them, clean them, (Yes I know the dogs are dirty right now, they love the sand and it is pointless to bath them when they roll in the sand.) house them, etc..  I cannot give up on that responsibility to them when I have failed so many other responsibilities in my life.  One day my dream is to retire from my current job and open a no-kill animal rescue.  Someday it will happen.

If it is my house, well I will probably die from that as well.  I will not sell this monstrosity of a house in the market right now and unless the housing market all of a sudden does a huge jump, there is no way I can get out from under this mortgage and find a smaller newer house.  So at this time we slowly find money (and I mean SLOWLY) and fix one part or another of the house to see if it helps me stay healthy.

Personally my bet is on the crawl space is filled with black mold and bacteria and all sorts of horrible things that are trying to kill me microscopically as I simply refuse to look in there or have anything to do with anything that has to do with the crawl space.  It has cooties and I am not going to participate, not one bit.  If anyone thinks otherwise you are welcome to come over to my house and look in the crawl space but you won't change my mind, it has cooties and it is trying to kill me.

Well so far the antibiotics have helped me, they didn't clear the cough completely but I can move now without an asthma attack or a coughing fit, if I don't move too fast.  What saddens me about all of this is the fact that since the weather outside is so nice, I still try and do everything I want, like gardening and little outdoor projects.  I end up extremely lame after them, limping for days and wondering why I can't sit without pain anymore, I am only 36 and some days after doing what I want, I feel 80 because I can't do the things I want without some kind of consequence.

It sucks.

I didn't remember the brie. (Dammit!)


Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Evidently I will NEVER be FULLY in the Clear Again

Yes, it is true, I will never be fully in the clear again, I have already been out sick from work quite a bit this fall , but hopefully with the 28 days of antibiotics, I won't have a complete relapse into breathing hell.  Hopefully.

Weather changes now suck in more than just allergy problems, my lungs along side my sinuses cannot take the temperature changes.  My throat closes up and my lungs start to wheeze, if I lay down I begin to choke on the vile deeply chest racking coughs that must come forth.  Did I say it wasn't any fun?  Because if I didn't let me just say it clearly and maybe I won't have to repeat myself again.


OK enough of my rant and whine, no one ever brings the cheese for my whine anyway.  I guess I will have to remember that myself for next time, a nice brie should do it for me. :)

Enough, I am done and I will be sticking a fork into it right now.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Released from the Prison a.k.a. the Hopsital!!

Yes, its true, I am free. 

They, the doctors, released me today from the boredom and captivity of the one room with a too of small bed. 

I did not have pneumonia like they thought, but a very nasty chest infection that they now think they have on the run.

Granted I wasn't in the hospital for long, but I am truly hopeful now that this crud that has been torturing me since November has been attacked to the point of it never returning.

Yes, I know you probably think, two days isn't that long to be acting the way you are!  Well let me tell you the fight beforehand that did start in November is what makes this seem so wonderful to me to be free. 

I may have many weeks and months of medication to take, I may even have to keep taking medications for the rest of my life to make the crud stay gone, but even that will have been worth it, so long as it never comes back.

It stopped so many things in my life that I hope to soon be returning to, karate, walking up stairs without problems, lawn work. You know, the little things that make you happy. 

Now, I am sure some of are now thinking, "How is lawn work something that you want to return to, hell, how is it anything you like doing?" 

Well that has to do with my outlook, let us cover this briefly in a short possibly repetitive list:
1. It is great exercise, slowly toning the flab that I have;
2. I always see a result from doing lawn work, so that great accomplishment feeling;
3. It helps me get some sun on my seriously pale ass;
4. I get to dream of what it will look like finished someday; and
5. I know that I am one more step closer to the yard of my dreams, so I can start all over again.

Simple, and something that I haven't really gotten to miss, except for the snow shoveling.  At times I was actually scared to go outside with the temperature change from the inside to outside.  Yes, I know this winter was mild, but the temperature change was too great for me to handle with how my breathing was going. Most likely the milder weather was something that was exasperating my whole health issue.  

It sucks to be scared to go outside.  It puts so many things in your life on hold.  I at times even felt like I was  prisoner in my own home.  The temperature difference would even make me scared of going to work, leaving for lunch for a breathing treatment at home, the drive home, or even a run to the store.

This winter was rough for me to say the least not just physically but mentally, I know to some it sounds wimpy, but this is my blog and it does have the title of "Schayde's Rants and Rambles," so this blog will be about what I please.

Now, after the last two days of extreme boredom a ton of medications and a promise of staying quiet at home for the next ten days to those doctors, I have hope and am just happy to see that light at the end of the tunnel and I know that I will finally reach it.

Maybe a little less sane than I was before, or maybe not, after all I haven't ever thought I was too sane, otherwise I wouldn't be who I am.


Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Evidently Relapses Happen

Please read the title ...

This sucks and it isn't helping my mood.

I had to go back to the doctors today, not to see if I was getting better, but to get help, my symptoms were worsening and were actually really bad last night.

Last night I don't think I got any sleep, with the coughing at almost any moment, and these are deep wracking painful coughs that didn't quit with just a few coughs, but long bouts of it.  I was scared to even take any deep breaths, the pressure I was feeling in my throat hurting and also knowing that if I took a deep breath, I would start coughing all over again.  It kind of makes me a little panic-y.

The wheezing doesn't help because it makes me cough without warning. Needless to say, wheezing makes you breath shallower and shallower each following breath and it doesn't lead to me doing too much of anything, in fact, it actually scares me into almost doing nothing, except the coughing without notice.

I don't understand why this isn't getting any better, I have been following the directions from my doctors from the beginning, since November.  I have finished each and every prescription I have been given to the letter, and yet, about a week and a half after each set of medications, the symptoms come back. 

This time the doctor told me my lungs were slowly collapsing, was she trying to scare me?  I think so, but the thing is, I am already scared because of how long this has been going on.

Being sick really does put a damper on my outlook on life and my emotions.  I don't want to say I am depressed, depression is a very serious thing, something that isn't to be joked about.  However, I can't say I feel like the usually chipper person I think I normally am.

I know that I can usually see the silver lining on almost every situation, but it is getting much harder to see the better about this illness.  What good and I supposed to see in continually getting ill with the same thing?

A few people have said, "oh but you lose weight when your sick."

Let me just say this now, I am not loosing any weight with this, in fact with all the steroids they have been giving me in pill and shot form, I have been gaining weight.  Moreover, since I can't exercise without coughing and the shortness of breath, I have lost almost all of the muscle definition I had been seeing from karate.  I don't like how my clothes fit, because they don't fit like they used to.  That drops my mood a few degrees too, this just sucks.

OK, sorry for this rant, but yeah not really; one because the title says rants in it and I am ranting; and two because for some weird reason, this has made me feel just a little better in the head.


Thursday, March 1, 2012

Recovery is a Long Process

I have been feeling better, it is genuinely nice to be able to go a day without coughing.  I am not a top speed yet, but I am noticing improvement within myself with every passing day.  I can't wait to be able to start do things, most things, without a shortness of breath. 

Life is definitely looking up in that way.  :)

Now, to work on the other things in life:

1. the ridiculousness of the work force, or lack there of; 

2. the unbelievable presumption of politicians and what the-powers-that-be thinking they can tell me what to do or not do; and

3. the ridiculousness of the form of capitalism that is now accepted.

Oh wait, these things that would fix the nation, not just my life, I may need some helpers to make the those three things possible.

At least, I feel I can take on the world right now though, I haven't felt that way in quite a while, and even though I will probably be beat down, it doesn't mean I won't stop trying so long as my health is holding out. 

Probably this is the first sign of insanity, and yet, I can't help but wish for different results from this great nation, just from some very clearly expressed displeasure from the masses. Now if we could just agree on that message and get the message clearly stated, again probably insanity on my part.

Its not easy to get the masses to agree on much.

Hmm... maybe I should type about a different topic.

Such as the concept now popularly called "Preppers", people that believe that there is necessary reason to prepare for an unmitigated disaster of almost any kind.

From the super volcano sleeping under the Midwest exploding, or a complete collapse of the modern world as we know it.  Should we be prepping?  Is it necessary?  The media seems to find it sensational to expose this concept as almost ludicrous, but really I don't think. 

I find it sensible.  People should have a basic understanding and mastery of how to live off the grid, we as the human race have made our lives so easy, that for most, living without electricity, heat, or running water would be impossible.

Seriously, how many people know what plants are edible for the area they live in, for the neighboring areas they don't live in?  How many people know how to even grow their own food if necessary?  DO most know what will grow in the region they live in? 

How many people know how to properly dress an animal?  There are people that don't even know how to successfully kill an animal on their own, unprocessed meat is something they don't know anything about. 

Some believe that it is wrong to eat meat, now I don't think that being a vegetarian or vegan is right or wrong, I just don't think it would be an option if there were a world disaster that happened. I mean how would you get most of your necessary protein if you don't know how to grow the right foods, or can't grow them because of the region you live in.

Being a vegetarian or vegan would not be a viable option, without the proper protein in your diet, that for most, the region they live in couldn't even grow, malnutrition would happen and then death.  Being a vegetarian or vegan would be a luxury.

Yes, I know historically only the richest ate meat on a regular basis, so there is that flaw in my theory, but not really, even the poorest that couldn't afford meat on a regular basis, if they could get meat, they would eat it, or process it so that it would last as long as possible.  So the not eating of meat wasn't a choice it was often times a forced part of regular life. 

Disease and malnutrition were rampant, and now obesity and malnutrition are. Malnutrition is still an issue, it probably always will be.  We can pump our food full of the things we need, but if it isn't naturally made, the supplements we make and put into our foods are just not good enough and often times have side effects we cannot imagine or see the effects of for years.

It is also sad that there are those that will not eat the necessary foods to prevent malnutrition, they don't like the texture or can't stand the flavor, they hurt themselves without even realizing that their picky-ness is doing this damage to themselves in the long run. In a post-apacalyptic world picky-ness would never get to be an option, so learning to like almost every food option availble makes sense.

I believe this "prepping" is sensible, it isn't just for those that are scared, its for everyone to have the basic knowledge necessary to survive. There is a huge part of the population that has no clue and it can be prevented. 

After all one saying I do use and believe in is this, "it is always better to be safe than sorry."


Saturday, February 25, 2012

Feeling a Little Under the Weather

Well ... hmm ... This is the first time I have actually given one of my posts a title that isn't the date, I realize I have been a little repetitive with that since already places the date on each post created.

I feel silly for doing it and I realized it quite a while ago, but at first I thought "well I started it out this way, I might as well commit to it completely," then I have been thinking recently that it is just foolish to be repetitive on something I don't need to be.

Kind of like one of the reasons I have started using twitter again. It posts the same information for me on twitter and facebook and I don't have to bother with the repetitive part of reposting anything myself, I am trying to be more efficient where I can.

Now, on to the part that makes the title of this post relevant.

I have been ill with pneumonia, it is something I have never had before in my life and personally, never thought I would. Evidently from what the last doctor told me just this last week, I have been fighting this pneumonia or walking-pneumonia or whatever it has been diagnosed, it has even been called acute asthmatic bronchitis, since November.

I am tired of it, really, really, tired of it. I think my work is tired of it as well. I have been trying to get better, following what instructions I have been given for my medications, doing the breathing treatments, etc., however, as soon as the medication is finished, I have been sliding right back into being ill again, slowly moving towards more and more severity in the symptoms of this illness. Needless to type, it sucks, a LOT.

I do not enjoy heartburn just because of the medications I am taking, not because of what I have or have not eaten. I am tired of the weight gain from the steroids that they give me. I am tired of my body aching from coughing uncontrollably and I am tired of not getting to do what I like to do anymore. I miss sleeping on my side or back, I don't like sleeping sitting up to deal with the coughing and heartburn.

I am tired of being exhausted at the end of a day at work in an office, no office job should have you exhausted at the end of the day, it is just ridiculous. 

I haven't been able to go to karate since December. I was told I couldn't go to karate until April by my doctor due to my health. I may not get to back then either and that sucks too, I really have enjoyed going to karate and getting closer with the youngest and my Dad with these classes. The youngest even moved to the same class my Dad and I were in, but I haven't been able to go with them. Now I just feel completely left behind and that everything I learned before will have to be relearned as I can't even really practice at home for lack of breath with just very little activity.  Going up stairs has me out of breath!

Arg! It is irritating and at times I rail in anger in my head about the injustice of being sick with something that just will not go away. Then I also realize that I am whining about something that all I can do it follow doctor's instructions on.

Whining, I hate whining, and yes I know most of this post is me whining. I apologize.

It is also depressing, to watch things that I want to do, pass right on by. I love the winter, I love outdoors sports and I can't do a single one of them this year. Hell, I can't even do the things I don't like, such as snow shoveling. 

I can't even do indoor things unless I know I can sit there for at least an hour or more, to cool down inside at the place where I elevated my body temperature at. Yeah, I haven't been able to do anything like exercise at all.

Grr. Well I am now typing to boost myself up and quit whining, I am determined to be healthy, I am determined to get better and stay better, this illness will not win.

I know that it isn't a terminal disease, but it is something that can alter my activity level for the rest of my life. I could be stuck with impaired breathing, I hope not, but it is a possibility.

I went yesterday to a pulmonary specialist's office and they took some x-rays of my lungs and tested my lungs' abilities. I didn't get any answers yesterday, of course, it was only for the tests to be taken, but hopefully when I get to finally see the pulmonary specialist next month, there will be answers for me and permanent solutions. I just can't believe I have to wait a whole month.

Grr with me please as I wait as patiently as I can.

Grr and Peace.