January 17, 2008

I feel as if I am a failure, the eldest is going back to Tennessee, she got her dad and mom to agree and so instead of keeping her promise to her dad about a whole year and waiting to see what it is like to have her dad on day shift, she has chosen to run home to her mother. I am extremely irritated and I am seriously hurt, obviously she never wanted to have much to do with what I said or did so I was ignored and dissed. So she leaves on the 25th, 26th, or the 27th back to good ol' Nashville to be able to run free and unsupervised as much as she wants. It gives me shivers on what that means for her future and how soon I will be a grandparent. I am only 31 and I am talking about being a grandparent that is so scary.

I am also completely pissed about the Girl Scouts, because they have cashed my checks and even though the eldest will not be participating, they will not refund my money. I certainly hope they realize then, that I will want a receipt then for a donation of over $100 dollars. It truly irritates me as I paid for all of this just this last Thursday and the eldest had promised to stay for it all. You really don't want to hear the words I am thinking or muttering to myself about all of the money lost on this now or the words of promise that were broken.

I personally hope that my fears are wrong, and I personally hope that I am proven wrong but if the first 12 years are any indication of what type of person she will be, I am truly scared.

The hubby says he feels used and discounted as she won't even give him a chance on day shift. I say we were used and abused and I have never liked it, so I wash my hands of it. I still love her, but as I have said earlier, I don't like her, or her actions. I sincerely hope all of my fears are wrong.

Otherwise on another note, the youngest, has managed to earn his 9th degree yellow belt in his karate. He is now officially dangerous. I am so proud of him and the discipline he has learned.

Aw well I guess the beginning of 2008 can go even lower that I expected.

Also both the youngest and the eldest had their birthdays over the first 2 weeks of January and I think the only on that was happy with all of what they got was the youngest. The eldest probably loved her ring (which I don't have high hopes of ever seeing after she goes back to Nashville), and the phone her dad gave her. The contract ends in June so if she wants to keep it, she will have to buy its contract. Otherwise she got a lot of money and hated all of the clothes bought for her. So what ever.

Another note, I feel my hubby dropped the ball last night as he let the eldest go spend the night on a school night at a friend’s house. She didn't do her chores before she left, she didn't even take her glasses (which I am thinking of donating to the needy - She doesn't use them) or a change of clothes; so anxious to run out of the house while I was busy on the phone with my son and parents. She will probably borrow clothes from her friend (I hope not underwear, eewww) and I guess what I say to the hubby or her don't count for anything.

Arg! Peace.