December 21, 2007

Ok here it is another blog, and a rant of complaints.

I no longer wish to do anything for my elder child at this time. I cannot seem to get her to realize being a family is not getting me to pay you to do things and paying me back with insults isn't the way to get love from me or get any money. You know I always figured she only liked me because I gave her dad a chance to stabilize his life. It hurts though to hear it from her mouth, and then to hear I was not her favorite girl friend before we got married. (Big deep breath..... another one.....) That HURTS.

I am generally a thicker skinned person, not easily offended by much, not hurt by too many undenyable truths, but that shit HURT. I am serious I no longer want to do a thing for her, I cannot seem to get through to her and I don't want to try anymore right now. For now she can go sit up in her room and read with the brand new perscription reading glasses - I fought tooth and nail with my job to get her on my insurance for - and just bought her

(Yes, perscription reading glasses, we couldn't be economical and just get the regular reading glasses available at almost any larger dept store, now maybe that is me being a weak parent, but I am trying to be a fair parent and when the youngest has a pair of glasses that are perscription I thought her should be from the eye glass store as well)

without TV and eat sandwiches for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, because I don't have to give her anything more than that by state law. I have tried to do things with her, helped her with her homework, spent time with her reading, playing, making cookies, etc, and this is how I am treated afterwards, it truly hurts and makes me want to remove the issue that has caused me so much pain, mainly - her.

Should I sell her presents on e-bay like that one dad did on the news? Maybe, but I doubt I get away with that, most likely I will just have to grow a thicker skin and move on and act like the spoiled 12 y.o. didn't break a part of my heart with her thoughtless comments.

I probably shouldn't even be having this pity party as pre-teens and teenagers are unaware mostly of the emotional havoc they cause thier parents and/or step-parents. I just need a break I guess and maybe a good cry to make me feel better and remember why she is living with us, it is just obvious that I failed at this time for her to live with a better moral standard and I just need to try harder, but at this age, do they really even get it? I know when I was that age, I was a big pain in my mom's ass, but I also didn't have parents and step-parents to play against each other, mine were a united front with a mother that ruled with an iron fist holding the wooden spoon in front. Oh--- nuclear family, where art thou?

There weren't parents with inner guilt to play against each other by the child because they seperated. Now I know it isn't necessarily the best thing for everyone, but...it worked for so many of the masses, and now all we can say is that the divorce rate in the United States alone is above 50% so more guilt ridden parents are out there falling down that ever longer slippery slope of spoiled children.

Pity.