Tuesday, December 16, 2008

September 8, 2008

When do you stop hoping? When do you stop searching? It's been over a week and I doubt very seriously if he ever shows up in Animal Control, but that would mean someone has him. I say that because Animal Control will even tell you about the dead ones. So, someone has him and the thoughts that go through my mind, I cry a lot lately, a lot. I try not to, becuase it ruins the make-up. blurs the contacts, makes me look like a clown freak from running mascara, and completely blocks my sinus passages, plus the most important part, it doesn't bring him back.
I can try and hope he is with a good family being spoiled beyond anything I would consider, like being allowed on the couch or allowed to sleep in bed with us, but it's hard to be optimistic. Really Hard. I know I am not a bad pet owner, yeah the dogs get left outside in the backyard while we are at work, it lets them roam free and they aren't stuck in a crate, because there is no way I am trusting them with my new couches and the wood furniture parts. They are pitbulls, and pitbulls are chewers. They have shade, water, and cover from the elements while outside and in the winter we always arrange something for them to be in the house, so I know I am not a bad pet owner, I even take them to the vet pretty regularly, I do, it's expensive but they are worth it.
So, it's really hard to think someone better than me is taking care of him. After all he is a pitbill and a beautiful one at that, I am so scared someone has him chained up (Something he never experienced with me, although maybe he should have, then he would still be home, or I would have a broken chain too, I don't know.) left out in the weather, hungry, and being treated horribly. He isn't mean so he isn't worth anything for fighting but you can change a dog, I know because it isn't ever the dog's fault they are the way they are, it is the owner's fault.
Remember that, I am serious, it is never the dog's fault, they are following instincts engraved in them, humans are what make dogs mean, otherwise they are survivalists and will only do what is necessary to them for their survival. Dog's don't search each other out to fight in a circle for human's entertainement to the death, they fight for breeding rights and food, if they are scared and cornered, or status and then almost never to the death, humans changed these beautiful animals for fighting for pleasure or something sick and twisted inside them. It hurts to think he might be -- forced to do this, more than most people will ever understand, I hurt. BAD.
Ok, I have to stop this at work, I am a mess. I can only so what I know I should do, never stop hoping and praying for him to come home.

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