February 11, 2012

Well ... today was quietly productive, just the basic home stuff was completed but it gives me satisfaction to get it done.  Got to find that somewhere ... ;)

I didn't deep clean anything but maybe the next weekend, right now, Skinney and I are sort of celebrating, quietly mind you, our anniversary, we will be married seven years on Valentine's day.

That is pretty cool in my book, we have actually been together for almost 11 years now, the longest relationship I have ever been in besides with my family but, looking back I say it has flown by and I can't wait for more years with him, not to fly by, but slowly creep along so we can savor them.

I was pinning on http://www.Pinterest.com today and I saw the photo of two old people, the little old lady sitting on the little old man's lap, both of them tattooed up, and I thought to myself as I pinned it, this will be Skinney and I someday... It is a pretty cool thought to me. :)

Yesterday was the middle child's 14th birthday, I didn't get to see her, but at least Skinney did, as he met with his x to have the oldest go visit with her for the weekend.  I hope that our middle child realizes that we really don't see her enough and that we do love her even if we don't get to see her... Heavy Sigh.

My great-aunt turns 88 on the 13th, you would not believe it if you saw her, she is quite an active little old lady. :)  She keeps my almost 91 year old grandpa sane and I bless her for it.

Now a HUGE change of subject.

Hmm, probably the best way to type this is to just type it, as it has been bugging me some. 

My x-husband died on November 1, 2011, I didn't ever think he would die so young, after all, he is only seven months older than me. I may not be in perfect health (recent lung issues) but 35 is not that old.  We didn't get along any more obviously, and we did not have contact after the divorce, but I had always had hope that he would do what he was supposed to do so he could see the youngest one day.

Now he never will get to fix things, and to me that is sad. I had hoped for things to work out, I am not sure in what way, but I had hoped that things would of worked out sometime in the future, or something.

My boy has asked for me to purchase a brass plaque for his father in our city zoo so he can go see him that way and not worry about anyone vandalizing his memorial. I think that is very mature of him at 13 now, he is an amazing young man, so smart and capable, I could not be anymore proud of him and how he handled all of this.

See my x-husband died homeless, he was living in a park alone when he died. 

At least he was baptized before he died of a grand maul seizure, but if he hadn't been completely alone he may not of died. 

I found out all this from his second x-wife, it was very shocking to me.  Neither she or I could afford to bury or cremate him, so we had to let the county take care of him. 

It bugs me some, but I also know for the most part that it wasn't my responsibility or hers, and yet I considered it because of my youngest.

I tried to get a hold of his sisters in Florida and his uncle in Idaho, but I never knew his family well and I never was able to find any of them to tell them.      

That is sad too, I couldn't even tell his family. He really was alone at the end.

I have to deal with his personal property next week. (BIG SIGH) Things happen that we never really expect ... I just hope he is at peace. 

I plan on letting his other x-wife keep his property, I just have to claim it because of my son, I don't need anything else beside my son to remember him.

...

I don't know why I am blogging about this, believe me, I am not trying to gain sympathy from anyone, I don't need or want any, maybe its just to get my thoughts in order. 

I think it helps me because it also really bothers me that someone my age that I used to know is already gone. 

I know I am so lucky that I still have my grandfather and my great-aunt alive, I guess I get a sense of immortality because they are still here, my x-husband passing makes me really aware of my mortality.

...

This is not a very happy or uplifting post, and I am sorry about that, but the title says rants and ramblings not uplifting posts.  OK, now I am just being snarky, I will stop.

Thank you for your patience with me, Peace.