I feel silly for doing it and I realized it quite a while ago, but at first I thought "well I started it out this way, I might as well commit to it completely," then I have been thinking recently that it is just foolish to be repetitive on something I don't need to be.
Kind of like one of the reasons I have started using twitter again. It posts the same information for me on twitter and facebook and I don't have to bother with the repetitive part of reposting anything myself, I am trying to be more efficient where I can.
Now, on to the part that makes the title of this post relevant.
I have been ill with pneumonia, it is something I have never had before in my life and personally, never thought I would. Evidently from what the last doctor told me just this last week, I have been fighting this pneumonia or walking-pneumonia or whatever it has been diagnosed, it has even been called acute asthmatic bronchitis, since November.
I am tired of it, really, really, tired of it. I think my work is tired of it as well. I have been trying to get better, following what instructions I have been given for my medications, doing the breathing treatments, etc., however, as soon as the medication is finished, I have been sliding right back into being ill again, slowly moving towards more and more severity in the symptoms of this illness. Needless to type, it sucks, a LOT.
I do not enjoy heartburn just because of the medications I am taking, not because of what I have or have not eaten. I am tired of the weight gain from the steroids that they give me. I am tired of my body aching from coughing uncontrollably and I am tired of not getting to do what I like to do anymore. I miss sleeping on my side or back, I don't like sleeping sitting up to deal with the coughing and heartburn.
I am tired of being exhausted at the end of a day at work in an office, no office job should have you exhausted at the end of the day, it is just ridiculous.
I haven't been able to go to karate since December. I was told I couldn't go to karate until April by my doctor due to my health. I may not get to back then either and that sucks too, I really have enjoyed going to karate and getting closer with the youngest and my Dad with these classes. The youngest even moved to the same class my Dad and I were in, but I haven't been able to go with them. Now I just feel completely left behind and that everything I learned before will have to be relearned as I can't even really practice at home for lack of breath with just very little activity. Going up stairs has me out of breath!
Arg! It is irritating and at times I rail in anger in my head about the injustice of being sick with something that just will not go away. Then I also realize that I am whining about something that all I can do it follow doctor's instructions on.
Whining, I hate whining, and yes I know most of this post is me whining. I apologize.
It is also depressing, to watch things that I want to do, pass right on by. I love the winter, I love outdoors sports and I can't do a single one of them this year. Hell, I can't even do the things I don't like, such as snow shoveling.
I can't even do indoor things unless I know I can sit there for at least an hour or more, to cool down inside at the place where I elevated my body temperature at. Yeah, I haven't been able to do anything like exercise at all.
Grr. Well I am now typing to boost myself up and quit whining, I am determined to be healthy, I am determined to get better and stay better, this illness will not win.
I know that it isn't a terminal disease, but it is something that can alter my activity level for the rest of my life. I could be stuck with impaired breathing, I hope not, but it is a possibility.
I went yesterday to a pulmonary specialist's office and they took some x-rays of my lungs and tested my lungs' abilities. I didn't get any answers yesterday, of course, it was only for the tests to be taken, but hopefully when I get to finally see the pulmonary specialist next month, there will be answers for me and permanent solutions. I just can't believe I have to wait a whole month.
Grr with me please as I wait as patiently as I can.
Grr and Peace.
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