I have been doing so good for so long and then poof, five days out of work laying in bed or on the couch willing myself not to have to move so I didn't cough. That doesn't really work by the way, in fact it is impossible, but I tried anyway.
I know part of this is my fault, I know it is, my lung doctor never called me back and I knew he didn't, but that didn't make me want to call and make the appointment either, I don't like him. I learn more about what he is thinking about my health problem from when he talks to a stupid digital recorder so he doesn't have to type his medical file notes. (Lazy...)
I tried to renew my inhalers, but they won't let you refill scripts that are over a year old, even if it is one day past that date, the pharmacy people will not do it. I find that extremely annoying when I still had four refills left on one of my inhalers alone, the waste they force me to feel! Ugh!
So I finally gave in and went back to Urgent Care, I know it isn't my regular doctor but I think I have explained that I hate my regular doctor's receptionist and I can never get in an appointment with him with any promptness.Its not like I can plan my sicknesses and schedule an appointment say three weeks in advance to see him about it. I have never been that way about sickness, deciding I will get sick at a certain time. In fact I don't know too many people that can do that at all, if you know of any, let me know I want to know how they do it.
Any way back to Urgent Care, I have gone to them repeatedly for almost 3 years about this lung crap now and then never look back in their records. I am a brand new patient every time, even though I have seen all four doctors that run the office. Now sometimes this is helpful I get the antibiotics and stuff I need without any fuss, but other times it is extremely annoying when I can't get them to remember two weeks ago when I came and was wheezing all over their office. I just want some continuity and someone to have enough interest to want to figure out if it is my animals or house that is trying to kill me.
If it is my animals, well then I will probably die first. I cannot give up my pets, cats or dogs alike, I just can't do it. I am an animal advocate and they are my children. They rely on me to feed them, water them, clean them, (Yes I know the dogs are dirty right now, they love the sand and it is pointless to bath them when they roll in the sand.) house them, etc.. I cannot give up on that responsibility to them when I have failed so many other responsibilities in my life. One day my dream is to retire from my current job and open a no-kill animal rescue. Someday it will happen.
If it is my house, well I will probably die from that as well. I will not sell this monstrosity of a house in the market right now and unless the housing market all of a sudden does a huge jump, there is no way I can get out from under this mortgage and find a smaller newer house. So at this time we slowly find money (and I mean SLOWLY) and fix one part or another of the house to see if it helps me stay healthy.
Personally my bet is on the crawl space is filled with black mold and bacteria and all sorts of horrible things that are trying to kill me microscopically as I simply refuse to look in there or have anything to do with anything that has to do with the crawl space. It has cooties and I am not going to participate, not one bit. If anyone thinks otherwise you are welcome to come over to my house and look in the crawl space but you won't change my mind, it has cooties and it is trying to kill me.
Well so far the antibiotics have helped me, they didn't clear the cough completely but I can move now without an asthma attack or a coughing fit, if I don't move too fast. What saddens me about all of this is the fact that since the weather outside is so nice, I still try and do everything I want, like gardening and little outdoor projects. I end up extremely lame after them, limping for days and wondering why I can't sit without pain anymore, I am only 36 and some days after doing what I want, I feel 80 because I can't do the things I want without some kind of consequence.
It sucks.
I didn't remember the brie. (Dammit!)
Peace.
No comments:
Post a Comment